You are in my veins
by dream2bawrtr
Summary: Bellamy wanted to give up. Giving up seemed like the easiest thing to do, right? Right? WRONG! Not when a certain blonde girl is still around. She was going to make damn sure that Bellamy wouldn't do just that.
1. Chapter 1

Bellamy woke up startled, a bit disoriented, and when he looked around his surroundings, he let out a breathy sigh. He was lying on the floor of his tent. The nightmares again. They were slowly eating him from the inside out. The guilt he felt was surely going to consume him- all of him, until there was nothing left. At the moment he just felt like giving up; he didn't have the strength or the courage anymore to face another day on Earth. Why was life so hard, so difficult?

Why can't he stop counting the graves? They were just kids! They relied on him and now they are gone. Why?

Bellamy couldn't take the pain anymore. It was too much to bare! It was gut wrenching... The pain and guilt he felt was all consuming and it was surely going to destroy him. All those kids who had died… they looked up to him and put their faith in him- their lives were _his_ responsibility. He was supposed to protect them from harm. And now they're dead. Dead!

As a tear rolled down his cheek, Bellamy got up on his feet with much difficulty. He knew that it was unwise- _very_ unwise to get up. He was badly injured by one of Anya's men not so long ago, but he just needed to get out. Right now…

"God, I hate those grounders!" he growled, as his hand landed on the spot where he was brutally stabbed.

"Just an inch and the knife would've pierced through your heart, Bellamy. You're lucky, you know that?" Clarke told him.

'Lucky. Lucky my ass!' Bellamy thought.

The blonde was most of the time a huge pain in the ass, but even he had to admit that she was a very good healer.

Bellamy grabbed one of the crutches and walked slowly out of his tent. It was late at night, and most of the kids were asleep, aside from the ones who had guard duty. He looked around and carefully made his way out of camp.

"Bellamy. What are you doing up?" he heard from behind him.

Jasper. Ugh! Bellamy gritted his teeth out of annoyance, because he was busted. Jasper walked around him and stood right in front him.

"What are you doing, Bellamy? You should stay in your bed, you know that."

"I need some air. Now get out of my way, Jasper!" Bellamy threatened his voice low and his eyes throwing deadly glares at the boy.

"Clarke is not gonna be happy 'bout this. She's gonna be pissed when she finds out that you're acting careless, running around camp. Clarke stitched you up and now you…" Jasper began, but Bellamy angrily shoved him away with one hand and walked into the woods.

"I don't give a shit of what the princess thinks!" Bellamy huffed and disappeared into the darkness.

Jasper rolled his eyes and muttered." Stubborn, that's what you are, Bellamy."

He got back on his feet and walked towards a certain blonde's tent.

Before calling out to her, Jasper grunted. "She is _so_ going to kick Bellamy's ass for this!"


	2. Chapter 2

Darkness. Guilt. Coldness. Pain. Fear.

Those were the things Bellamy felt, as he desperately tried to gasp for air. He wanted to open his eyes and see, but something was holding him down. Some invisible force. From afar he heard people talking… shouting and felt hands on his chest and stomach. As their words reached his ears, he concentrated on listening what they were saying. But without any success… To him, it seemed like they were talking gibberish.

Bellamy Blake was his name. That's something he was sure of. As he gave up with attempting to open his eyes, he wrestled with his mind. What happened? How did he end up here, surrounded by all this darkness and pain?

He tried so hard, but he could not remember a single thing. As Bellamy attempted to open his eyes again, he was blinded by a very bright light and so he was forced to close his eyes again. All of a sudden he was able to hear clearly.

"You brought him back, Clarke! He has a pulse! I really thought that we had lost him this time." Bellamy heard a voice say from afar.

As he attempted to open his eyes for the second time, he felt an excruciating pain. And though the pain almost knocked him out, he managed to open his eyes…

He saw Clarke, Jasper and Lincoln and realized that he was back in camp. They had brought him back? He was in the woods, right? Bellamy sucked in a much needed deep breath, but the moment he did, he felt a gnawing pain in his chest and stomach.

As tears rolled down his cheeks, he gasped softly." The... the pain."

"Clarke, he's awake! Bellamy is awake, but he's in pain!" he heard Jasper shout.

"Hey Lincoln, do you have something to make him sleep?" Bellamy heard the princess say.

"No, I don't w-want th- that! I wanna b-be awake!" Bellamy pleaded with his last strength.

Clarke totally ignored him and repeated." Lincoln. Well, do you have something to sedate him with? You know? To make him sleep?"

Without hesitation, Lincoln pulled a small bottle out of his pocket and handed it over to Clarke. She didn't waste any time and grabbed the syringe. As Clarke filled the syringe with the liquid, her heart thumped wildly against her chest.

"I hope this works." She muttered, while praying that this will ease Bellamy's pain.

Bellamy… Bellamy… Why was he so freaking stubborn? Why didn't he follow her instructions and just stayed in bed? Why? Huh? If he weren't in this state, she definitely would've attempted to kick his ass!

As Clarke closed the small gap between them, her blue eyes landed on his dark ones. His face was so pale and his lips dry. He had a certain look on his face. A face of someone who was on the verge of giving it all up…

'No! I'm not going to give you that satisfaction, Bellamy! I am not going to let you give up!' she thought.

Bellamy still had his eyes locked on hers. As she reached him, she grabbed his hand and injected him with the sedative. As Bellamy felt the needle pierce his skin, his eyes bored into hers. Clarke watched as he attempted to shake his head, pleading for her not to make him sleep.

After a few seconds that felt like forever, Bellamy felt himself slipping away into the darkness again. His eyes automatically fell shut. At that very moment, he refused to go back there and desperately fought to stay awake. He had to hold on! He frantically searched for something to hold onto… He wanted to hold onto… her- the brave princess. Bellamy didn't want to go back to before… He didn't want to go back to the nightmares, the Darkness, the cold, the Pain and the Fear…

He wanted to stay here… So with his very last strength, Bellamy brought his other hand to hers. As his hand collided with hers, Clarke felt a shiver go through her spine. He was holding her so tightly… like- like he never wanted to let go. At that, his warm, dark eyes slowly fluttered open and they locked with hers once more.

All of a sudden, Clarke had a huge lump in her throat. In his eyes, she no longer saw someone who was willing to fight for every single person in this camp- the fire in his eyes had died down and was gone… it was completely gone.

No! This can't be! She couldn't let him give up so easily! She looked at him with pleading eyes and as her heart pounded against her rib cage, Clarke whispered.

"It's OK. You're gonna be okay. I'm here. And I'm not gonna let you give up yet, Bellamy. Not if I'm still around. As long as I am here and breathing, I will do everything in my power to get you back the fire in your eyes! I will, I promise… But for now, you can let go…"

As Bellamy heard those words leave her pretty, pale lips, he finally let go and closed his eyes. She was here- brave princess was here... And so, he wasn't afraid to go into darkness anymore. She had given him the strength to face the Darkness, the guilt, the Fear and the Pain…


	3. Chapter 3

Clarke walked inside the drop ship and looked around. The last two weeks had been very difficult. Grounders were constantly attacking them, so every day she had patients to take care of. The responsibility of being one of the leaders of the camp was at one point taking a toll on her, but there wasn't anyone else to do it, so Clarke forced herself to keep being strong for all of them.

In the last two weeks she missed Bellamy… not so much as missing _him, _but missing him as being her co-leader. They didn't get along very well, but even _she_ had to admit that she needed him. When it came down to it, _he_ was there for her whenever there was a problem in camp, big or small. Together they made the hard decisions, whenever it was required. Well, that was before he was stabbed near his heart. And now… now everyone just relied _only _on her for _everything!_

God, she missed his devilish smirks and witty remarks- sometimes they were insults but whatever. That still didn't change the fact that she _needed_ Bellamy.

Bellamy- with his cute freckles and dark eyes and disheveled dark locks...

'HEY! What am I doing thinking about his hair? Ugh!' Clarke thought.

The stress and weight on her shoulders of being responsible for everyone's life had surely made her go a bit cuckoo! Yup, that must be it.

As a sigh escaped her lips, Clarke shook those crazy thoughts off and decided to check on her patients.

* * *

><p>Bellamy had enough! It had been more than two weeks and he was losing his mind doing nothing. After the Princess had given her the sedative, she made sure that he stayed in bed. There were always two people guarding the entrance of his tent. The day before, Bellamy even punched Monty in his face, because he wanted to get some fresh air. All the people in camp were getting on his last nerves and boy was Bellamy pissed at the moment.<p>

"I'm doing better now. Let me out for just a few minutes" He told Monty.

But the boy wouldn't budge." Nope, Clarke gave us specific instructions. We cannot let you out, Bellamy."

Well, it started out like that and soon turned into a struggle between him, Miller and Monty.

At one point Bellamy had Monty in an iron grip and threw a punch at the boy. When he saw the blood coming out of Monty's nose, Bellamy let go of him and cursed aloud. He cursed at everything and everyone. At Monty, at Miller, at their situation here on Earth, at the Grounders, at the people of the Arc, and most of all, he cursed at their blonde healer.

As he thought of what happened the day before, Bellamy clenched his fists tightly. "I need to get out." he growled.

"You and I both know that won't happen as long as I'm around, Bellamy." He heard a voice say.

Clarke walked inside the tent and stood next to him.

"How do you feel?"

Instead of answering the question, Bellamy ignored her and turned his face the other way.

"Oh, come on. You're not gonna act like a baby, are you?"

"Whatever." Clarke heard Bellamy mutter.

As she rolled her eyes at his comment, Clarke placed a hand on his shoulder."Bellamy, the reason why we are 'locking' you up in here is because we want you to heal as fast as possible. We need you to get on your feet soon, because the Grounders are a huge threat and I need my co-leader to…" she began, but he interrupted her.

"Get out, Princess. Leave me alone! The kids here listen to you more, right? You got your wish! You're their leader now. You've managed to crawl your way into their hearts like a plague, so go play the leader role on your own. That's what you do best, right? I'm replaceable, but not you! You're the brave princess, you don't need anyone. "

Bellamy knew that he was hurting her with those words, but he just wanted her out of there. For a second his eyes landed on hers, and what he saw in those ocean blue eyes, broke his heart a little. He didn't mean to act so cruel, but the deed was done. He couldn't take back those hurtful words.

As those venomous words reached Clarke's ears, she felt like Bellamy had given her a fiery slap on her face. How could he? How dare he?

At that moment she felt an anger rising inside of her. She wanted to yell at him and even strike him! But… she couldn't do that! Not after all the work she did and medicines she used to heal him. So, Clarke gritted her teeth and decided to act like his words didn't affect her at all. She was a professional! Right?

"Move, so I can check your wound, Bellamy." She said her voice shaky.

He felt guilty for the way he snapped at her, so he did as she ordered. Without saying a word, Clarke unbuttoned Bellamy's shirt. He was looking straight at her, but Clarke ignored his stares and concentrated on the task at hand.

As her fingertips grazed his skin, Bellamy bit back the pain. Yes, his wound hurt but he didn't have any trouble with the pain. No, no. He had trouble with her being so close to him, touching his chest, breathing so close to him, and smelling her scent. She smelled kinda nice though. Oh, he didn't have any trouble with the pain. But he sure had trouble the way her delicate fingers connected to his skin- Huh? What? What the f- what in the hell was he thinking? Why would he even think like that about _her_?

'This was Clarke. The brave princess. Damn it!' Bellamy scolded himself.

**~ Meanwhile outside ~**

Raven had just stacked up the gun powder and the bullets she had collected, so she was done for the day. As she walked through camp, she saw two girls and Jasper talking with each other. One of the girls glared at Jasper, while the other stumped her feet and walked away angrily.

When she reached the two, the second girl threw deadly glares at Raven and walked away mumbling.

"What's going on, Jasper?" Raven asked, frowning at the girl's reaction.

He shrugged and rolled his eyes." Just some girls from Bellamy's harem, who wanted to see him. But you know what Clarke said; no company for him till he gets better. So, I told them no."

"So now they're pissed at you?" Raven asked, sounding very amused.

"Yup, but whatever. Besides… Clarke is in Bellamy's tent, checking his wounds." Jasper replied.

Raven frowned." Clarke's in there with Bellamy _alone_?"

"Yeah… so?" Jasper asked.

At that she smiled." They are alone in a small space and they're not at each other's throat?"

"Why would they argue? Clarke's the one who saved his life… twice!"

"Yup, but she's also the one who keeps him 'locked up'. And you know him, he's surely pissed at her." Raven said.

"Yeah, you're probably right. Knowing him, he must be bored out of his mind. He can't stay at one place too long. But you know what, Raven. You weren't there the day we found Bellamy in the woods. Clarke was about to sedate him, but Bellamy didn't want that. He wanted to stay awake. I don't know, Raven. But the way those two communicated with their eyes at _that_ moment, it was something so… I dunno …weird? I've never seen those two act like that. They're hands were locked tightly and I felt like I didn't belong there- like I was an intruder. I bet Lincoln felt that way too. They were staring at each other like they were the only ones in the world… it was so surreal. Clarke whispered to him and at a certain point he looked comforted by her words… it was so… I have no words for it, Raven." Jasper explained.

After listening to Jasper babble, Raven narrowed her eyes and hit him playfully on his chest." Boy, Jasper. Aren't you exaggerating a bit? You are such a romantic!"

"No, hey! I'm not…" he began, but Raven laughed at him and walked away.

"Raven, I'm not exaggerating!" Jasper protested with his hands in the air.

Instead of listening to him, Raven just walked away with a wicked grin on her face. Jasper rolled his eyes and muttered." I am _not_ a romantic."

**~ Back in Bellamy's tent ~**

Clarke was busy cleaning Bellamy's wound, but she was kind of distracted by him. She _so_ wanted to clobber herself! She was fully aware of how near he was from her. Oh, come on! She had done this a dozen times since he got stabbed. Why was it today so different compared to the other times? What had changed? Instead of focusing on her task, Clarke could only think of Bellamy... him being completely shirtless, touching his fiery skin, inhaling his scent- the scent that _only_ Bellamy wore... watching his beautiful chest… What? His what? What the?

'Clarke Griffin! What's wrong with you? Have you gone completely insane?' she scolded herself.

But no matter how hard she tried, Clarke wasn't able to focus. It was a damn miracle that she hadn't messed up the wound dressing.

When Clarke was finally done, she let out a breath. With both hands on his upper arms, she cleared her throat and inspected her work."Okay, I'm done."

She had the intention of walking out of the tent without even looking back, because she was still angry at him for hurting her with those vicious words. But... there was this invisible force that 'made' her look up. And when she did, her ocean blue eyes automatically locked on his chocolate dark ones. There was a certain look in his eyes, a look she couldn't quite place. Was it regret?

Bellamy's throat suddenly went dry, but he wanted to say something."Clarke, I..." he began, his voice soft and apologetic.

Clarke waited patiently and looked at him questioningly. She wanted to ask him what he wanted to say, but her voice failed her.

Bellamy knew that she was waiting for him to speak, so he gathered his courage and said." Clarke, as soon as I'm better, I'm gonna leave..."

But at that exact moment, Monty and Jasper barged into the tent and shouted." A drop-ship! A drop-ship has landed, you two! Come take a look!"

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><p><em><strong>Thank you for the reviews. :)<strong>_


	4. Chapter 4

Patience. Patience is a virtue they say, but it _definitely_ wasn't Bellamy's strongest suit. He strode back and forth inside his tent, waiting impatiently for the Princess and the other kids to get back to camp. After seeing the ship land, they decided who was going to leave camp to investigate that spot. Clarke made a group consisting of Octavia, Monty, Finn, three others and herself. Miller, Jasper, Raven and Bellamy stayed behind along with the rest of the kids.

Of course Bellamy protested and insisted to go with them, but Clarke stood her ground and was able to convince him - with much difficulty- to stay.

"OK, it's been more than 36 hours, Raven." He growled, as he glared at her.

"Hey, they're fine. Just relax, OK. Octavia is in good hands." Raven replied.

At that, Bellamy narrowed his eyes." How can you be so calm? Huh? They are out there! Who knows who landed? Are you sure we can trust those people? And grounders are all around this forest, targeting us one by one. Danger is lurking all around us… how are you so calm, Raven!" Bellamy spat.

Raven reacted by looking straight at him." From the outside I may _look_ calm, but I am scared out of my mind! I am terrified for their safety, but you and I can't panic now, OK! We have to keep our heads straight and wait. We cannot go after them now, Bellamy. Have faith, will you? Have faith in them… So relax, OK."

Bellamy cleared his throat." I'm worried about them. And don't tell me to relax!"

"OK, must I be specific and tell you to have faith in … Clarke?" Raven asked, while raising an eyebrow.

"What are you getting at, Raven?" Bellamy snapped.

"I'm just saying…" she began, but got cut off by Miller. "They are back, guys!"

Bellamy immediately walked out of the tent, Raven behind him. As Bellamy reached the gate, he saw it open slowly. One by one he saw the familiar faces: his sister's and the others. But none of them looked happy though. Bellamy had expected to see more people from the Arc, but he saw only one. What the hell happened?

The last one to walk through the gate was the princess. As his eyes fell on her face, Bellamy furrowed his brows. She had an expressionless look on her face- one that he'd never seen before. He had to find out what had happened to make her react that way. So instead of speaking to the woman from the Ark, Bellamy followed Clarke, who was headed to the drop-ship.

He was just about to enter the ship, when Octavia called him." Bellamy! Bellamy! Where are you going?"

He immediately turned around to face his sister." Uhmm… sorry, O." he replied and hugged her tightly. "How did everything go?"

"Well, let me introduce you to someone." Octavia said.

Bellamy saw the blonde woman walk over and when she stood in front of him, she offered to shake his hand. As they shook hands, Bellamy observed the stranger with caution.

" Nice to meet you, Bellamy Blake. My name is Diana Sydney and I'm one of the council members. " she said with a smooth and sultry voice.

He didn't know exactly why, but as Bellamy observed the blonde woman, warning bells started ringing in his head. He sensed that something was off about her- way off. She talked nicely and even smiled, but... there was something about that woman that made Bellamy distrust her completely.

XXXXX

As everyone sat around Diana, she told Bellamy and the rest that she had brought some necessities like medicines, weapons, ammo. They were all happy with that news, because they needed those things desperately, now more than before. While they all gathered round her, she drank some water and ate the meat that was given to her. The kids were glad to see an adult among them and asked her a lot of questions, especially about their parents and the situation in the Ark. As Diana listened to the kids, she smiled at Bellamy and so did he, but _not once_ did his smile reached his eyes.

At one point he wanted to know the important stuff, so Bellamy asked. "So, what exactly happened? Why are you alone? Where are the others? Where is Chancellor Jaha?"

Diana nodded and then let out a deep breath."OK, I will tell you everything. The Chancellor sent one crew consisting of 13 men and women, including me. When we landed, everything seemed fine at first glance, but that wasn't the case. As we walked out of the ship, we were attacked by a group of vicious looking men. My crew members had put up a fight, but one by one they were killed off. Some of them escaped by running into the woods, but most of them lost their lives. At one point, the only ones left were Abby Griffin and I. And then..." she said, but couldn't continue, her voice breaking.

Bellamy furrowed his brows and grabbed Diana by her upper arms." What happened? What happened to Clarke's mom? Tell me!" he insisted.

Diana shook her head, as tears ran down her face." They... they murdered her! She's dead too!"

When those words reached Bellamy's ears, his grip on Diana immediately slackened. Bellamy let go of the Councilwoman and stared towards the drop-ship. Oh, God! Clarke! As realization hit him, he walked as fast as he could towards the Princess.

As he entered the drop-ship, he saw Clarke taking care of the injured and sick kids. "Clarke?"

Bellamy watched and waited for her to turn around, but she didn't. She kept tending the patients- the three of them all asleep- and ignored him. At one point, Bellamy walked over to Clarke and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Princess?" he said, his voice soothing and soft.

"Look at me, please?" he asked.

But Clarke huffed instead, strode towards the ladder of the drop-ship and climbed it to go to the upper deck. Bellamy let out a breathy sigh and followed her, being very careful- he hadn't healed completely yet. As he stood behind Clarke, he watched her, while she stood there motionless, staring at nothing.

"Clarke? Will you please look at me?" he begged this time.

As she turned around to face him, his dark eyes fell on hers. What he saw in those blue orbs broke his heart into thousand pieces. God, it pained him to see her hurting like this. She looked beyond devastated, so pale that it scared him. There she was, the brave Princess, looking like the life had literally been sucked out of her, so fragile and broken. As their eyes locked, tears had pooled in her sad blue eyes.

Bellamy felt so powerless and at that very moment, he wished that he had the ability to take all of her agony away. What he did next, felt so natural, it even surprised him. Bellamy slowly brought his hand towards her face and as his hand landed on her cheek, Clarke's eyes fell shut. "You can let go, Princess. You can let go, now." Bellamy whispered.

As those gentle words reached her ears, Clarke broke down and finally let it go. Her whole upper body shook violently as she sobbed loudly, the sound of her cries so gut wrenching. Bellamy pulled her in a tight embrace, his eyes falling shut, as Clarke uttered the words. "Mom, I still need my mom. There was so much I still wanted to tell her. And now she's gone forever."

XXX

After a while, her sobs had stopped and yet she held onto him, like he was her lifeline. Bellamy could only wish that holding her like this was for now enough to comfort her. As Clarke opened her eyes at one point, her thoughts drifted to Bellamy. He was the one who was holding her, comforting her and it didn't even feel wrong. She was locked inside this man's warm embrace and it surprisingly felt _so_ right. It's been a long time, since she'd felt this safe. Who would've thought that Bellamy Blake- macho Bellamy, player Bellamy- would be the one to make her feel utterly and completely safe? Who would've thought...

While her blue eyes fell shut again, she felt that Bellamy was also stroking her blonde hair in a soothing manner. At a certain point, they both slowly let each other go." I'm very sorry about your mother, Clarke. Wanna talk about it?" Bellamy asked.

At that, she roughly wiped her tears away and threw him a very deadly glare." Why? Why do you even care? You were the one who was planning to leave me... us, right? Why are you still here then?" Clarke spat, the venom in her voice evident and clear.

Ouch! Bellamy knew he deserved that, so he just ignored those words. And instead of answering her question, he avoided the topic by gently placing a hand on her upper arm." Princess, I don't know about you, but I do _not_ trust that Diana Sydney."

She was just about to say something back, when they both heard a loud voice from the lower deck. "Clarke! Clarke, where are you? You in here?"

It was Finn.

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><p><em><strong>Thank you for the reviews. :)<strong>_


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